Level 3, Pre-Cancer

Okay, so I’m really sick of visiting the doctor. Really, really sick of it! So Iris calls me yesterday and tells me that the colposcopy did, in fact, confirm the Pap results.

I am so sick of this year. Miscarriage, now this. I am exhausted! She said she will go talk to the cancer doctors to discuss my situation. She said she may refer me to them. She said she’d call me next week with a plan of action.

Today, I cried….

Best case, they do the LEEP procedure and clean house. Clean, I want it clean and I don’t want to hear any of this garbage come out of a doctor’s mouth ever again. Negative effect of best case: next baby delivers at 37 weeks instead of 40 weeks. That is the side of effect since this will be my second LEEP. I can handle that. Right now, that is all I can handle. And yes, I know that He will sustain me.. I know that! He does it every time. He did it last time. He did it a minute ago. He’s doing it now but I don’t want to do this. I want to deal with regular uncertainty, not this.

One set of foot prints.

I am afraid and angry. I am sick of this. Div School. Miscarriage. Level 3, Pre-Cancer. Life as ministry tool? Lord, make it worth it, please. I know I have work to do so I’m counting on you to make it alright. Please.


2 thoughts on “Level 3, Pre-Cancer

  1. You’re very courageous! I think I’d get weak in the knees thinking about going through all that as life ministry. I’d be asking God if there was any way this cup could pass. . . God bless you, Deie! We love you, and you are in our prayers.

  2. You know, that is the only way I can make sense of it. There has to be a way that God can use this for good. I’d love for the cup to pass!! But if it don’t…I need him to make it worth it. I never would have guessed that when I wrote this that it would be viewed as courageous. But I said I wanted to be a superhero, right? I must be crazy.

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