Okay, so I’m really sick of visiting the doctor. Really, really sick of it! So Iris calls me yesterday and tells me that the colposcopy did, in fact, confirm the Pap results.
I am so sick of this year. Miscarriage, now this. I am exhausted! She said she will go talk to the cancer doctors to discuss my situation. She said she may refer me to them. She said she’d call me next week with a plan of action.
Today, I cried….
Best case, they do the LEEP procedure and clean house. Clean, I want it clean and I don’t want to hear any of this garbage come out of a doctor’s mouth ever again. Negative effect of best case: next baby delivers at 37 weeks instead of 40 weeks. That is the side of effect since this will be my second LEEP. I can handle that. Right now, that is all I can handle. And yes, I know that He will sustain me.. I know that! He does it every time. He did it last time. He did it a minute ago. He’s doing it now but I don’t want to do this. I want to deal with regular uncertainty, not this.
One set of foot prints.
I am afraid and angry. I am sick of this. Div School. Miscarriage. Level 3, Pre-Cancer. Life as ministry tool? Lord, make it worth it, please. I know I have work to do so I’m counting on you to make it alright. Please.
Super Hero in Training 
You’re very courageous! I think I’d get weak in the knees thinking about going through all that as life ministry. I’d be asking God if there was any way this cup could pass. . . God bless you, Deie! We love you, and you are in our prayers.
Angie
You know, that is the only way I can make sense of it. There has to be a way that God can use this for good. I’d love for the cup to pass!! But if it don’t…I need him to make it worth it. I never would have guessed that when I wrote this that it would be viewed as courageous. But I said I wanted to be a superhero, right? I must be crazy.
Loveyoutoo!!!
csh