Fear

Fear sucks. I hate fear. Fear paralyzes me. I have 4, count them four papers due because of fear. Well, not just because of fear. Part of it is that I’m still sad about the miscarriage. Part of it is fear. In my case, fear breeds procrastination. I’m a perfectionist so I worry, worry, worry that what I’m doing will suck. I worry that its not good enough. Back to the miscarriage. I am having trouble concentrating, I still want to cry sometimes. I am having trouble putting my thoughts together. Did I mention that I’m sleepy? Sleepy a lot! I want to stay in bed. I guess I’m not totally incapacitated by depression because I still love hanging out with my friends and I am still my social self but I’m struggling. Oh and then there’s the Level 3 abnormal Pap. Yep. So I’ve got a lot on my mind. Not cool. I need to get this done but I’d rather do anything but that. I just need to get started. I was talking to my girl, Mary the other day and I had a whole bunch of ideas. I was able to talk it out.  Can I get it on paper though? Not yet. The funny thing about it is that I want my writing to be part of my ministry! I want that so bad. Ugh!!! I know it will come together. I must press on.