Or-di-na-tion! #1

Wow. So I contacted the ministry committee to let them know that I wouldn’t be ready by the deadline, I asked them if they could resend me the paperwork, I asked them when the next meeting was and I asked them if I could stop by on February 16th and say, “Hello.”
So now I’ve got all the paperwork and I have an email from one of the admins telling me that she hasn’t gotten my stuff yet. Wow.
So I reiterated that I had informed the head of the committee that, given my workload, I may not be ready with the paperwork. I told the admin that I would do my best.
Argh, this whole ordination idea has all my insecurities flairing! I picture a council of people on one side of the table all sitting and judging me harshly. Scrutinizing me. Of course, I’ve been told that this horrible image in my mind is not correct. It is a partnership, they tell me. It is a group of people working with you to help you discern your calling, your vocation, your path to ministry. It is not meant to be antagonistic or unpleasant. It is, however, very important that they know that I am not Jim Jones or John Wayne Gacy . I think that’s good. My denomination had the real Jim Jones and well, it didn’t go well. So they are very thorough and for that, I am truly thankful.
But it doesn’t help me assuage my insecurities or fear of rejection or fear of being dismantled by a group of people.
Now I may be able to talk with each of these people on an individual basis and do just fine. But I fear the dangerous and destructive monster they might become as a group. Group think transforms people. Scary! I’m sure that is not what’s going to happen right?
Where is my faith? Umm, I guess, unfortunately, I often use it for other people. Kind of sucks, right? I mean I will pray more whole face off for someone else and encourage them and help them work through their fears, give them another perspective, ask them questions that might get them to open their view of a situation a little wider BUT when it comes to me and my own fears and scars and insecurities…whooo, chile, you’ve got a situation on your hands! So I have to pray and prepare and get myself together and lean on God. I have to remember my calling. I have to remember what happens between me and God. I have to remember what happens between me and God and the people to whome we  minister. I have to remember that the God who began a good work in me will continue it to completion. I should let God do that good work and stop interfering and I should fill out these darn forms.


One thought on “Or-di-na-tion! #1

  1. I feel you, girl. Jim Jones? scary. Ordination paperwork, committees, etc.? scarier.

    Yes, do what you said you’ll do–remember that God started a work in you and will continue it to completion. And pray about how to get out of the way.

    love ya, girl!

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