The May 10 lb Challenge

So I started this challenge on Monday but I’ve been working on some idea of dieting since last week. It’s only been a few days and I already feel thinner. It makes nooo sense! I feel thinner. My pants fit better. Is it the water? Is it all that peeing. I don’t know. I’m sure it’s psychological but I don’t care. I look good. Now if I can just get myself to the gym. In the meantime, keep trying to walk.

Ordination #2

I survived the meeting. They did actually hear what I was saying. They called it an exploratory meeting. Fantastic. The meeting was good but it felt very administrative. Here are the papers we’ll need, we’ll meet once per year (what?!), we’ll have you do some kind of test to make sure you aren’t crazy, we’ll give you a prayer partner. It seemed, ummm, administrative. I know we are the denomination of Jim Jones and so it’s important to make sure we don’t have another but after you find out I’m not Jim, what are you going to do with me. How do you figure out if I should be ordained. What is the criteria for ordination? What is your role in the process of discerning if I merit ordination? I didn’t ask any of these questions. I asked how does this work? They recited the check list, they explained the once per year meeting, one of them said I could call and voice frustrations and concerns, one said that I’d get a prayer partner, one said I could talk to him if I had a problem with a prof. I think that’s good. But I didn’t really see a clear vision of the pastoral aspect of the group. How does discernment happen as we meet once per year? Maybe there is a lot going on behind the scenes that we don’t know about. Maybe they’ve covenanted to go down in prayer for all of us on a frequent basis and to pray for what’s best for the church? I hope? But I wouldn’t know because they don’t tell us that. I guess I’ll ask?

Or-di-na-tion! #1

Wow. So I contacted the ministry committee to let them know that I wouldn’t be ready by the deadline, I asked them if they could resend me the paperwork, I asked them when the next meeting was and I asked them if I could stop by on February 16th and say, “Hello.”
So now I’ve got all the paperwork and I have an email from one of the admins telling me that she hasn’t gotten my stuff yet. Wow.
So I reiterated that I had informed the head of the committee that, given my workload, I may not be ready with the paperwork. I told the admin that I would do my best.
Argh, this whole ordination idea has all my insecurities flairing! I picture a council of people on one side of the table all sitting and judging me harshly. Scrutinizing me. Of course, I’ve been told that this horrible image in my mind is not correct. It is a partnership, they tell me. It is a group of people working with you to help you discern your calling, your vocation, your path to ministry. It is not meant to be antagonistic or unpleasant. It is, however, very important that they know that I am not Jim Jones or John Wayne Gacy . I think that’s good. My denomination had the real Jim Jones and well, it didn’t go well. So they are very thorough and for that, I am truly thankful.
But it doesn’t help me assuage my insecurities or fear of rejection or fear of being dismantled by a group of people.
Now I may be able to talk with each of these people on an individual basis and do just fine. But I fear the dangerous and destructive monster they might become as a group. Group think transforms people. Scary! I’m sure that is not what’s going to happen right?
Where is my faith? Umm, I guess, unfortunately, I often use it for other people. Kind of sucks, right? I mean I will pray more whole face off for someone else and encourage them and help them work through their fears, give them another perspective, ask them questions that might get them to open their view of a situation a little wider BUT when it comes to me and my own fears and scars and insecurities…whooo, chile, you’ve got a situation on your hands! So I have to pray and prepare and get myself together and lean on God. I have to remember my calling. I have to remember what happens between me and God. I have to remember what happens between me and God and the people to whome we  minister. I have to remember that the God who began a good work in me will continue it to completion. I should let God do that good work and stop interfering and I should fill out these darn forms.

Eff Hebrew

Here we go again. Starting in August, I will brave the Summer Hebrew Intensive again and I’ll relearn Biblical Hebrew.  I am excited to gain and retain the vocabulary and grasp the concepts better. I am determined to win. I need to get myself together so I can schedule time to pre-study. Really need that!!! I believe it will benefit me greatly in terms of confidence in my academic abilities. Additionally, it will enable me to find fuller and better interpretations of scripture that can be used in sermons, counseling, teaching and personal bible study. There is so much to gain. 

Part of me is so excited for the opportunity and the other part of me feels like I’m about to do battle, hence the title of this post. I think the hardest battle is against myself. So how much of my own fear and loathing will I need to destroy to get through Hebrew?  I don’t know. I think I’m in for a hard battle. But it’s time to win.

Transitions

I have two weeks to go before I’m finished with school for the summer. I’m excited. This summer I want to do so much. I may also have to get a summer job but we’ll see.

My son turns 3 on Sunday and starts Pre-school on Monday. His last day at daycare was today. He has been with them since he was 6 weeks old. They are an awesome pair of women who love children. I really appreciate how they’ve cared for my son…amazing that he’s moving on to a new place. I know he will learn alot at his new school and I’m sure I’ll learn alot too. Imagine that in two years, he will be in Kindergarten and I will be graduating and, God willing, caring for another baby and living in a different house. I am excited to see how it will all work out.

V-Day, Baby!

So, I am going to be in The Vagina Monologues. I’m so excited. I’m going to help do the intro with Lily and Joann and then I’m to do the monologue called “I Was There in the Room.” I’m very excited. V-Day is a national charitable event organized by Eve Ensler it is done every year around the United States the biggest of which will be in the Louisiana Superdome. Every group that is doing a V-Day will donate to the Women of New Orleans and also to local charities in their area that work to combat violence against women. Here are the details:

The Vagina Monologues at McCormick Theological Seminary

Performed by the women of the Hyde Park Seminaries

Performances: Friday, Feb 15 at 7pm and Saturday, Feb 16 at 1:30pm

Proceeds go to The Women of New Orleans, YWCA Harris Center & Korean American Women in Need

Prayers Answered, Prayers Requested

Sooo, my cervix. Yeah, you remember her. We discussed her recently (see Level II, Pre Cancer entry). Well she’s got issues but we are getting her all lasered and cleaned up on Friday, February 22nd. Thank God.  Pray for me and my cervix, please.

Also, I am happy to say that we have scheduled prayer services at my church!! I’m so excited about this. We are doing lots of cool brainstorming and setting dates to launch ministries and I am thrilled. Please pray for us.

csh

A few guidelines for Winter Quarter and beyond

In light of the drama of last quarter I’ve decided to set a few guidelines for Winter 2008 and try to create some good habits:

• My Day Off – If I don’t have class, I don’t have to come to campus. With proper planning, I should be able to avoid schoolwork altogether on my day off. If, sometimes, I do need to do some schoolwork then it should be limited to a few hours and not take up the whole day. And if I do come to campus, it has to be for something good, like singing or working out.
• Home Care – I need time to take care of myself and my house. This is evidenced by the fact that my house looks like crap. A crappy cluttered house is not a good study environment and its bad for my self-esteem. I like to throw parties and have company and this is keeping me from it. Sooo, there will be home care and me care on my day off.
• Calendar time – I have to take time each week to update my calendar. This will keep me on top of school, church and life happenings which should help me reduce stress. This is work so I’m not doing it on my day off.
• Cooking- I want (us) to lose weight and I want (us) to be healthier. If I want to do either of these, I need to control what I (we) eat and cooking ahead is the best way for me to do. I (we) weigh more than I’ve (we’ve) ever weighed in my (our) whole life and I’m not comfortable with that. It gives me no margin of error. I am not changing my clothing size because I am cute and I want to stay that way. Additionally, I’d like to get pregnant so losing 5 to 10lbs (15 max) would be great so I have baby room and (hopefully) don’t need to switch to a new size post partum. AND I’m a good cook so why not continue to hone my skills? How else will I ever become a cooking ninja?
•  Exercise - Have Mercy! This is such a hard subject. I have so much trouble doing this. I just need get my heart rate up and do a little resistance training for heart health and bone density. Additionally, I really want my body tightened up. One of my girls told me that I made her sick because I had a baby and I’m still the same size. I informed her that I may be the same size but I am not the same shape. I want my muscles and I want my abs back. I’ve got to do something! FitTv, yoga and pilates dvd, abs video, running around with Lolo and dancing! Does dragging my backpack 3.5 blocks to campus everyday count? I sure hope so. So if I can just up my activity from backpack dragging then that should equate some kind of weight loss, I hope. Argh.
• Me Care- I’ve been mentioning it but it needs its own bullet point. Quiet time, alone time, creative time, beauty…sheesh. I never get to soak in the tub. I need to get a massage at least quarterly (before finals). I want to get my hair did at least quarterly. Mani/pedi. Stuff to give me some time away and to also make me feel good! Going dancing.
• Business  – This Avon thing was not working with school. Not much is but I want to keep at it a little longer and figure out how to tailor it to my schedule. Additionally, I want to start selling my art and my crafts. This is a dream for me and I really want to make it happen but I will not stress about it. One thing at a time.
• Husband and Wife time – Gosh, this is a big deal. We need to try to get date night up to once per month. We’ve got some great restaurants on our list and we live in Chicago. There is plenty to do and many opportunities to enjoy some time alone. Making to most of this before we have another child is imperative.
• Family time- Mr. Baby is now Mr. Toddler and is at the stage where we can start going to museums and other cool sites. I think this summer is really going to be big for him. He is going to be 3 and he’ll be entering Pre-School. I’m so excited and I want to expose him to as much fun, culture and activity as possible.
• Bible Study/Prayer time - You’d think someone going to Divinity school would have this one on lock right? Nope. My church does one on Wednesdays at 7:15pm. My MDiv cohort is planning to do one on Fridays at 7pm.  I plan to attend both as much as I can and try to do some personal reading on my day off. Prayer time is weird. I mean I do a lot of talking but meditation and listening is an area where I am in need.
• Grace - Give and get. I want to give as much grace to others as I would hope to get myself and I want to give myself more grace. I want to do great things, accomplish goals and be ’super’ but I do not want to beat myself up when things don’t go well or when I screw up. That is where grace comes in. I think the previous one might help with that.
• Ministry – Often ministry happens and often I go with it but I’d like to be more purposeful and aware. I want to see it and be conscious of it and I want to do it well. I also want to be more clear about what God really wants me to do. School is supposed to help me do ministry and give me some useful tools. I also hope to get some insights from God as I continue the M.Div program. I want to look at my classes with that in mind. I am in this program to gather some of the tools and skills to do what God has called me to. I want to pray and ask God what He wants to show me in each of the classes I’ve chosen. I want to be open and present and conscious and embrace what He has for me.

That’s enough for now.

Fall Quarter 2007

Well, I’ve made it through the Fall Qtr. Here is the verdict:

Summer Intensive, Biblical Hebrew (the language of the Old Testament) - B. I’ll have you know that she turned in a C in this class and I had to remind her that she had already advised me that I had earned a B. She corrected it. Amen. This class was amazingly hard. 26 chapters in 3 weeks (5 days per week and 4 hours per day).

Intro to Hebrew Lit aka Hebrew Bible - B. This professor is very benevolent. I still owe a paper in the class and somehow I got a B. God is good. I am still going to turn in the paper at some point, I wonder if that paper will bring my grade up or down. Maybe I should just leave well enough alone.

Fall Biblical Hebrew – C+. I have to retake the Final at some point. But I figure if I can get a C the same quarter I have a miscarriage and a cancer scare that I’m not doing half bad. Plus this class is at 8 a.m. and I am not the morning girl. I have devised a plan to meet with a classmate weekly and study to catch me up enough to retake the final and attend the reading group in the Spring.

Public Church, Part 1 – Incomplete. Yes, the dreaded ’I’ which all U of C Divinity students have warned me against. Thank God they exist. I still owe Dr. G a critical review of a MLK speech and a final paper on Public Theology. 

What I learned is that I really can psyche myself out. Not good. I really do have the ability to immobilize myself with fear and that I just push too hard. Life was rough last quarter and that’s about it.

Strange Fruit & James H. Cone

I am taking a Black Theology class this quarter and one of the books we are reading is by James H. Cone. Dr. Cone is one of the foremost Black theologians.

Take a look at his Bill Moyers interview from November 23, 2007:
http://www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/11232007/watch.html

“With the noose and the lynching tree entering the national discussion in the wake of recent news events, Bill Moyers interviews theologian James Cone about how these powerful images relate to the symbol of the cross and how they signify both tragedy and triumph.”
Click the title below to hear Billie Holiday sing the song.

Strange Fruit by Billie Holiday

Southern trees bear strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant south,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop.