Self Investigation: Healing

Here’s a paper I wrote for Pastoral Care class about an experience with healing.

Testimony about ministry and pastoring

So I sat in my hotel room with my brother’s girlfriend today. I told her about being a minister. How it happened to me, why I love it, what it means to ‘be’ with people and how awesome it is…I love this work. I love my life. I’m thankful for the opportunities I have to learn and grow, the people I get to meet and journey with…I am still afraid. BUT I’m not going to stop. There is something amazing, again, around every corner. I want to be there for the next amazing something (someone). I want to be there to see people grow, to see people get delivered, to hug and pass out tissue, to c celebrate and to mourn. To eff up and to triumph in this thing called life, in this thing called ministry, in this thing called relationship. I want to grow up in this thing called ministry. I even want to visit the hospital and the funeral home. I do and I will. Sharing life in it’s good and bad incarnations seems to be what I love about ministry. “Hello, I’m csh and I’ll be your co-journeyer until God says different…Oh, and I’ll be preaching sermons, sharing what I learn from God with you and praying for you too.  And I have every expectation that you will do the same with me – on purpose and on accident.” I think that is what pastoring is so far. Of course, there’s more but I feel like this is a big part of it.

Oh and the other thing. “I’ll be trying really hard to take care of myself and be introspective and reflective and repentant and real with myself so I can be real with you. I think, that might be good for both of us.”  This, I believe, not only improves my relationship with God but my relationship with myself and with others.

I pray God will bless this journey.

Just Like Job By Maya Angelou

My Lord, my Lord,
Long have I cried out to Thee
In the heat of the sun,
The cool of the moon,
My screams searched the heavens for Thee.
My God,
When my blanket was nothing but dew,
Rags and bones
Were all I owned,
I chanted Your name
Just like Job.

Father, Father,
My life give I gladly to Thee
Deep rivers ahead
High mountains above
My soul wants only Your love
But fears gather round like wolves in the dark.
Have You forgotten my name?
O Lord, come to Your child.
O Lord, forget me not.

You said to lean on Your arm
And I’m leaning
You said to trust in Your love
And I’m trusting
You said to call on Your name
And I’m calling
I’m stepping out on Your word.

You said You’d be my protection,
My only and glorious saviour,
My beautiful Rose of Sharon,
And I’m stepping out on Your word.
Joy, joy
Your word.
Joy, joy
The wonderful word of the Son of God.

You said that You would take me to glory
To sit down at the welcome table
Rejoice with my mother in heaven
And I’m stepping out on Your word.

Into the alleys
Into the byways
Into the streets
And the roads
And the highways
Past rumor mongers
And midnight ramblers
Past the liars and the cheaters and the gamblers.
On Your word
On Your word.
On the wonderful word of the Son of God.
I’m stepping out on Your word.

Psalm 55

A friend of mine posted this summary of Psalm 55 on his status on Facebook:

“Open your ears, God, to my prayer; Come close and whisper your answer. I really need you. My insides are turned inside out. Get me out of here; I want some peace and quiet and I’m desperate for change. I call to You, and my life is well and whole, secure in the middle of danger. I pile my troubles on Your shoulders—You’ll carry my load, You’ll help me out…And I trust in You.”  Psalm 55, Message

For the full passage, click here.

Rough Draft to 15 different poems, books, memoirs, sermons, confessions, apologies, blog entries and maybe one eulogy?

See the dirt under my nails? It’s my skin and a little of my blood. I try to wash my hands, wash my mind, wash my self real good before I put on my robe and preach but I end up showing my wounds. Wounded Healer, my ass. I want to be a superhero. A force. I want to pray and preach and make beauty when I’m not screaming or looking in the mirror wishing I could change myself….

30 Things Every Woman Should Have and Should Know by the Time She’s 30

http://www.glamour.com/magazine/2007/02/things-women-should-have-and-know-by-30

This article is great. It’s a checklist. I find it useful for personal reflection. I think I will use it as baseline to start my memoirs. Funny to think about writing them but I think my children will, at least, find them useful or vaguely interesting. LOL!

Quote of the Day

I think sanity is overrated.
- a preacher friend

The Trials of Weightloss

Superheros need to be fit!

My weight has been moving around alot and after family reunion, I am currently afraid to look. Tomorrow, I begin swimming lessons with my husband. We went to Wal-Mart tonight to buy me a pair of fancy black goggles. I will weigh myself tomorrow at the gym. Ugh.

csh

Patient Trust by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, SJ

A classmate posted this prayer on his blog. Thanks, Michael.

Above all, trust in the slow work of God
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something
unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability-
and that it may take a very long time

And so I think it is with you.
your ideas mature gradually-let them grow
let them shape themselves, without undue hast.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow
Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.

http://www.teilharddechardin.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pierre_Teilhard_de_Chardin

Weigh In – 138lbs

Okay, stats:

Starting Weight: 140

04/26/2009 138

Goal Weight: 125

This whole thing started because of problems with my leg. My prosthesis seemed to be chewing into it and I was going without it more than I ever have. That, in and of itself, was a challenge and taught me how to be quite brave on crutches. A few weeks ago I was at my in-laws house and got on the scale. I was 140 lbs without my prosthesis. This, my friend is no good. So I that is when it all became clear. Weight gain => Leg problems. So the solution to this is weight loss. I’m working to exercise more. Drink 4 bottles of water per day = 67ishounces. Track my eating and activity on www.fatsecret.com. Partnering with my husband and one of my sistergirls. Two lbs. So happy. Keep it going. Superheros need to be fit to do their jobs.