The Trials of Weightloss

Superheros need to be fit!

My weight has been moving around alot and after family reunion, I am currently afraid to look. Tomorrow, I begin swimming lessons with my husband. We went to Wal-Mart tonight to buy me a pair of fancy black goggles. I will weigh myself tomorrow at the gym. Ugh.

csh

Patient Trust by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, SJ

A classmate posted this prayer on his blog. Thanks, Michael.

Above all, trust in the slow work of God
We are quite naturally impatient in everything
to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something
unknown, something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability-
and that it may take a very long time

And so I think it is with you.
your ideas mature gradually-let them grow
let them shape themselves, without undue hast.
Don’t try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances
acting on your own good will)
will make of you tomorrow
Only God could say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be.
Give Our Lord the benefit of believing
that his hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.

http://www.teilharddechardin.org/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pierre_Teilhard_de_Chardin

Weigh In – 138lbs

Okay, stats:

Starting Weight: 140

04/26/2009 138

Goal Weight: 125

This whole thing started because of problems with my leg. My prosthesis seemed to be chewing into it and I was going without it more than I ever have. That, in and of itself, was a challenge and taught me how to be quite brave on crutches. A few weeks ago I was at my in-laws house and got on the scale. I was 140 lbs without my prosthesis. This, my friend is no good. So I that is when it all became clear. Weight gain => Leg problems. So the solution to this is weight loss. I’m working to exercise more. Drink 4 bottles of water per day = 67ishounces. Track my eating and activity on www.fatsecret.com. Partnering with my husband and one of my sistergirls. Two lbs. So happy. Keep it going. Superheros need to be fit to do their jobs.

The May 10 lb Challenge

So I started this challenge on Monday but I’ve been working on some idea of dieting since last week. It’s only been a few days and I already feel thinner. It makes nooo sense! I feel thinner. My pants fit better. Is it the water? Is it all that peeing. I don’t know. I’m sure it’s psychological but I don’t care. I look good. Now if I can just get myself to the gym. In the meantime, keep trying to walk.

Ordination #2

I survived the meeting. They did actually hear what I was saying. They called it an exploratory meeting. Fantastic. The meeting was good but it felt very administrative. Here are the papers we’ll need, we’ll meet once per year (what?!), we’ll have you do some kind of test to make sure you aren’t crazy, we’ll give you a prayer partner. It seemed, ummm, administrative. I know we are the denomination of Jim Jones and so it’s important to make sure we don’t have another but after you find out I’m not Jim, what are you going to do with me. How do you figure out if I should be ordained. What is the criteria for ordination? What is your role in the process of discerning if I merit ordination? I didn’t ask any of these questions. I asked how does this work? They recited the check list, they explained the once per year meeting, one of them said I could call and voice frustrations and concerns, one said that I’d get a prayer partner, one said I could talk to him if I had a problem with a prof. I think that’s good. But I didn’t really see a clear vision of the pastoral aspect of the group. How does discernment happen as we meet once per year? Maybe there is a lot going on behind the scenes that we don’t know about. Maybe they’ve covenanted to go down in prayer for all of us on a frequent basis and to pray for what’s best for the church? I hope? But I wouldn’t know because they don’t tell us that. I guess I’ll ask?

Or-di-na-tion! #1

Wow. So I contacted the ministry committee to let them know that I wouldn’t be ready by the deadline, I asked them if they could resend me the paperwork, I asked them when the next meeting was and I asked them if I could stop by on February 16th and say, “Hello.”
So now I’ve got all the paperwork and I have an email from one of the admins telling me that she hasn’t gotten my stuff yet. Wow.
So I reiterated that I had informed the head of the committee that, given my workload, I may not be ready with the paperwork. I told the admin that I would do my best.
Argh, this whole ordination idea has all my insecurities flairing! I picture a council of people on one side of the table all sitting and judging me harshly. Scrutinizing me. Of course, I’ve been told that this horrible image in my mind is not correct. It is a partnership, they tell me. It is a group of people working with you to help you discern your calling, your vocation, your path to ministry. It is not meant to be antagonistic or unpleasant. It is, however, very important that they know that I am not Jim Jones or John Wayne Gacy . I think that’s good. My denomination had the real Jim Jones and well, it didn’t go well. So they are very thorough and for that, I am truly thankful.
But it doesn’t help me assuage my insecurities or fear of rejection or fear of being dismantled by a group of people.
Now I may be able to talk with each of these people on an individual basis and do just fine. But I fear the dangerous and destructive monster they might become as a group. Group think transforms people. Scary! I’m sure that is not what’s going to happen right?
Where is my faith? Umm, I guess, unfortunately, I often use it for other people. Kind of sucks, right? I mean I will pray more whole face off for someone else and encourage them and help them work through their fears, give them another perspective, ask them questions that might get them to open their view of a situation a little wider BUT when it comes to me and my own fears and scars and insecurities…whooo, chile, you’ve got a situation on your hands! So I have to pray and prepare and get myself together and lean on God. I have to remember my calling. I have to remember what happens between me and God. I have to remember what happens between me and God and the people to whome we  minister. I have to remember that the God who began a good work in me will continue it to completion. I should let God do that good work and stop interfering and I should fill out these darn forms.

Eff Hebrew

Here we go again. Starting in August, I will brave the Summer Hebrew Intensive again and I’ll relearn Biblical Hebrew.  I am excited to gain and retain the vocabulary and grasp the concepts better. I am determined to win. I need to get myself together so I can schedule time to pre-study. Really need that!!! I believe it will benefit me greatly in terms of confidence in my academic abilities. Additionally, it will enable me to find fuller and better interpretations of scripture that can be used in sermons, counseling, teaching and personal bible study. There is so much to gain. 

Part of me is so excited for the opportunity and the other part of me feels like I’m about to do battle, hence the title of this post. I think the hardest battle is against myself. So how much of my own fear and loathing will I need to destroy to get through Hebrew?  I don’t know. I think I’m in for a hard battle. But it’s time to win.

Transitions

I have two weeks to go before I’m finished with school for the summer. I’m excited. This summer I want to do so much. I may also have to get a summer job but we’ll see.

My son turns 3 on Sunday and starts Pre-school on Monday. His last day at daycare was today. He has been with them since he was 6 weeks old. They are an awesome pair of women who love children. I really appreciate how they’ve cared for my son…amazing that he’s moving on to a new place. I know he will learn alot at his new school and I’m sure I’ll learn alot too. Imagine that in two years, he will be in Kindergarten and I will be graduating and, God willing, caring for another baby and living in a different house. I am excited to see how it will all work out.

V-Day, Baby!

So, I am going to be in The Vagina Monologues. I’m so excited. I’m going to help do the intro with Lily and Joann and then I’m to do the monologue called “I Was There in the Room.” I’m very excited. V-Day is a national charitable event organized by Eve Ensler it is done every year around the United States the biggest of which will be in the Louisiana Superdome. Every group that is doing a V-Day will donate to the Women of New Orleans and also to local charities in their area that work to combat violence against women. Here are the details:

The Vagina Monologues at McCormick Theological Seminary

Performed by the women of the Hyde Park Seminaries

Performances: Friday, Feb 15 at 7pm and Saturday, Feb 16 at 1:30pm

Proceeds go to The Women of New Orleans, YWCA Harris Center & Korean American Women in Need

Prayers Answered, Prayers Requested

Sooo, my cervix. Yeah, you remember her. We discussed her recently (see Level II, Pre Cancer entry). Well she’s got issues but we are getting her all lasered and cleaned up on Friday, February 22nd. Thank God.  Pray for me and my cervix, please.

Also, I am happy to say that we have scheduled prayer services at my church!! I’m so excited about this. We are doing lots of cool brainstorming and setting dates to launch ministries and I am thrilled. Please pray for us.

csh